I Survived A Week On My Own

Well…My beautiful daughter is now home from her week in Lanzarote…I did it, I survived on my own

Just me and the dog, although we both missed her so much, Gizmo moping around all depressed because his mum hadn’t come home lol and the house was so quiet, we did it, we coped on our own.

I think determination to show her I could cope on my own, got me through the week but I will admit, it was harder than I thought it was going to be. I did all the laundry and fed the dog twice a day, I even took him out on three small walks, I showered every other day and fed myself, although not cooking meals. 

I do think a lot of it was done with fear and anxiety, as I have fallen in the shower before and nearly knocked myself unconscious, I haven’t really been out of the house on my own for a long time but I was so determined to prove to her and myself that I could do it. 

I also got an appointment through for the CT Scan which was also while she was away, I didn’t mention it to her as I wanted to also do this on my own and I knew if I told her she would tell my other daughter to go with me. The appointment was at 5.15 pm so it wasn’t going to be an early morning rush, which is nigh on impossible to try and motivate yourself with ME, so I know I could just relax and pace myself through out the day.

The biggest mistake was, I hadn’t read the letter properly, as again with fibromyalgia and ME you tend to just skim over bits of a letter lol I knew the time and that I had to drink lots of water before going, this was where my focus was. What I hadn’t realised that they would be injecting fluid into my veins for the procedure. 

Now I know what your thinking, what’s the big deal about them doing this, hundreds or even thousands have CT Scans ever day without a problem. Well this was my thinking as I sat in a little room with gown on, waiting to be called in after having a cannula put in my arm, you’ll be ok, you’ll be ok I kept saying in my head.

I could hear people going in for there scans and my heart was pounding, a man having his done had to have his daughter called in as he had some kind of reaction and almost keeled over. The male voice I heard doing the scan asked everone of the three that went in before me, if they had someone with them, I didn’t read that, omg I didn’t read that…I was absolutly bricking it

Now to get back to the point of…what was all the fuss about…well many Fibro or ME sufferers will tell you, that the smallest of procedures, having stuff injected or even having blood taken, can knock your body for six. A lot will sail through any test as normal but for many of us, this is not the case and can effect your body in different ways.

I lay on this bed, at the foot of this big machine, I was so scared. Firstly he injected a clear substance into the cannula which made me go really cold, then the bed moved into the machine, I was injected with another load of fluid, which made me go all warm. I could feel it travel up my arm, then I tasted it at the back of my throat, my heart started to have the ectopic beats, thudding into my chest…Breath Debbie Breath, stay calm…I kept repeating in my head. The bed moved into the machine back and forward a couple of times, holding my breath on comand, then it was over, phew, I did it.

As I attempted to get off the bed, BANG it hit me like a brick hitting me in the back of my head. You young nurse helped me up asking me if I had someone with me, yes yes, I’m ok I lied. I sat for a good 10 minutes on the chair in the little changing room, taking slow deep breaths until I shook the dizziness off, then slowly put my clothes back on. I will be totally honest with you, I can’t even remember walking out of there, along the corridors until I got outside into the fresh air, I can’t even really remember the taxi ride home. I woke up in bed fully clothed at around 9.30pm with Gizmo licking my face as he was snuggled into me, obviously wanting to go out lol but wow was my head pounding. 

By the time Nikki came home on the Thursday, I was feeling much better, but I was just so so proud of myself that I had survived for 8 days on my own and not only that, but the dog was still alive lol 

It’s been five days since I had the CT Scan and I will be honest, my body is still not over it, my head is still pounding, my stomach is still swollen and now to top it all, I have the pain when I want a wee and the awful pain when I stop weeing. I don’t know wether it’s down to what ever it was working its way out of my body or what but like I said earlier, what a normal healthy person can shake off within minutes, for some reason, a person with Fibromyalgia/ME and associated health conditions, can be effected in a totally different way.

So I did survive the week on my own, I paced myself, slept when I needed to and took small steps, even though these were big steps for me and I didn’t over do it. What I wouldn’t even do again, is try to go to hospital appointments on my own or without reading the letter at least 10 times until I knew exactly what would be happening at the appointment. lol


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